Going in Reverse
I remember trying to drive a stick shift.
Daddy in the passenger’s seat, giving direction.
Ease off that clutch, baby. Slow!
The blue Nissan would sputter, jerk
and finally take off.
That’s it girl, you almost got it!
He’d cover my hand with his over the gear shift,
whispering,
Relax! Relax!
We would repeat this pattern a dozen times
before arriving at my destination.
Talking to my father these days is like that.
He tries to remember my name,
Mary? Rayna? Cookie?
Then he remembers:
I mean Shelia!
We talk for a few minutes about things
he’s told me ten times already today:
how the lawn mower needs a new carborator
and how the grape harbor didn’t bear
much fruit this year, and then he gets stuck.
Uh Uh Uh...What’s the word? Goddamnit!
I can’t think anymore!
I take his hand in mine and put it
next to my cheek.
I get what you’re saying Daddy.
I get it.
This calms him, and we start all over again.
Daddy in the passenger’s seat, giving direction.
Ease off that clutch, baby. Slow!
The blue Nissan would sputter, jerk
and finally take off.
That’s it girl, you almost got it!
He’d cover my hand with his over the gear shift,
whispering,
Relax! Relax!
We would repeat this pattern a dozen times
before arriving at my destination.
Talking to my father these days is like that.
He tries to remember my name,
Mary? Rayna? Cookie?
Then he remembers:
I mean Shelia!
We talk for a few minutes about things
he’s told me ten times already today:
how the lawn mower needs a new carborator
and how the grape harbor didn’t bear
much fruit this year, and then he gets stuck.
Uh Uh Uh...What’s the word? Goddamnit!
I can’t think anymore!
I take his hand in mine and put it
next to my cheek.
I get what you’re saying Daddy.
I get it.
This calms him, and we start all over again.
Shelia Cooper received her MFA from Queens University of Charlotte. She also holds an MA in English and African American literature. She lives in Dacula, Georgia with her husband and daughter where she currently teaches writing at Georgia Gwinnett College and works as a poetry editor for Harbor Review. A former Pushcart Prize nominee, Shelia examines themes of marriage, domestic violence, parenthood and mental illness in her work.
Art: The Writers, oil on canvas, Rebecca Pyle