EVERY POEM I WRITE I ASK PERMISSION
to exist I keep the history of my body
locked away in a file labeled do not name
more often than not I’m grieving
which is why doves peek in
every morning
I thank god
for how my family
could always laugh after funerals
I am estranged
from god and have this terrible belief
if I found the right words
she would understand
and say oh my dear my dear
it's true I’m talking about my mother again
and true as well I’ve made the decisions for you
but I can’t bear it!
this tremble and waiting
to see when or if or how you might love me
locked away in a file labeled do not name
more often than not I’m grieving
which is why doves peek in
every morning
I thank god
for how my family
could always laugh after funerals
I am estranged
from god and have this terrible belief
if I found the right words
she would understand
and say oh my dear my dear
it's true I’m talking about my mother again
and true as well I’ve made the decisions for you
but I can’t bear it!
this tremble and waiting
to see when or if or how you might love me
Brionne Janae is a poet and teaching artist living in Brooklyn. They are the author of Blessed are the Peacemakers (2021) which won the 2020 Cave Canem Northwestern University Press Poetry Prize, and After Jubilee (2017) published by Boat Press. Brionne is the recipient of the St. Botoloph Emerging Artist award, a Hedgebrook Alum and proud Cave Canem Fellow. Their poetry has been published in Ploughshares, The American Poetry Review, The Academy of American Poets Poem-a-Day, The Sun Magazine, jubilat, and Waxwing among others. Brionne is the co-host of the podcast: The Slave is Gone alongside poet Jericho Brown and Rogue Scholar Aífe Murray. Off the page they go by Breezy.
Art: A Painting for Dinner, oil on paper, Paulina Swietliczko